


3:00 am (the sun and moon).

by Ioveletters (rotscy)



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/F, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love Triangles, Smut, Unrequited Love, this is a rewritten version from last year's 3am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 01:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rotscy/pseuds/Ioveletters
Summary: sana doesn't fucking want mina.





	3:00 am (the sun and moon).

**Author's Note:**

> :0 i rewrote this bc i wrote the original 3am ??? in 2018 n idk i wanted to see how much ive improved so !

mina would like to be loved.  
  
she's an alright person, she thinks. it's hard not to be when a piece of you feels like it's lost somewhere in the world; it leaves you feeling empty and without any true reason. but mina likes it this way. she doesn't need anyone else.  
  
sana would like to feel okay.  
  
but she is a mess, a disaster at that, makes her feel sick to her stomach when she thinks about herself. sana is a bad, bad person, and throughout so many promises to herself to try and mend that, she finds she cannot. maybe it wasn't meant to be fixed.

and none of this really upsets mina. mina knows what it's like. even despite it being years since she last felt something in her chest, she knows. mina always knows.  
  
3:00 am.  
  
mina finds herself locked away in the corner of an old cafe she used to visit every time she'd visit hirai momo in south korea.   
  
(momo traveled out of japan a couple years back to attend the university her parents had wanted her to).  
  
it's by the window, small cracks allowing the cold air to flow into the rather empty cafe. she shivers, taking a short sip of her bitter coffee. she grimaces, but the taste isn't too bad. there's just something different about it so late into the night. the worker dressed in black wipes at another table, chuckling softly.  
  
3:06 am.  
  
there's a girl, wrapped in a black coat that's definitely at least a size too big, crying her eyes out. she sniffles, body still shaking as sobs rack her body. mina feels a tug at her heart and a drop in her stomach, but she isn't sure what to do. she isn't well-equipped for these types of things.  
  
she still finds herself at the girl's table, settling into the seat across from her with her still hot coffee, "why are you crying?" it's too blunt, and personal, mina knows. mina knows a lot of things. and yet she continues to mess up, never thinking too much of it.  
  
"isn't that a bit too personal?" the girl chuckles lowly, wiping her eyes harshly. she sighs heavily, red eyes meeting mina's and she admittedly falls a little. pathetic.  
  
"you're bawling in the middle of a stupid cafe at three in the morning. did you not expect someone to ask about it?" her words are always jagged, harsh edges to her words, and they bite into each person she talks to. she doesn't want to bite into this girl however.  
  
"not really, no," the girl's voice is slightly raspy, most definitely from the crying, and mina hates how she enjoys it. "not a lot of people care about a stranger."  
  
"i typically don't. tell me your name?" mina asks, voice softening to its own accord.  
  
"sana."

mina thinks that may just be her favourite sound, word, and name now.  
  
mina buys her hot chocolate because sana isn't big on coffee. and mina learns that sana likes sweet things, and that she may be a little sensitive.  
  
sana wants to know why mina drinks terrible coffee, but mina doesn't even know. that's one thing she can't figure out by herself. sana still lets mina try her hot chocolate with too much whipped cream and mina likes it more than she lets on.  
  
mina ends up typing her number into sana's phone with sweaty, shaky hands. they easily stay up until seven in the morning, just rambling over the phone. mina feels a small little twinge that she isn't used to in her heart every time sana giggles lowly.  
  
5:32 pm.

it's been a little over a week since mina met sana, and a week seems to be good enough for sana to invite the girl over to her house. it's only slightly smaller than mina's back in japan, and she's surprised, but it makes her homesick.

and when sana mumbles in japanese as she's grabbing onto her television remote, mina chokes.  
  
sana smells of strawberries and cream, and pretty floral perfume. but her bed smells darker. not like sana.

mina doesn't miss the extra clothes hanging out of her closet or the torn up pair of converse by her bedroom door. they look about the same size as sana's pretty, expensive boots though.  
  
her bed sheets are a simple light blue, and her blanket is folded neatly at the corner of her bed, a lighter grey. it smells darker, too. mina doesn't really like the darker scent. it reminds her of her bitter coffee and stolen kisses with momo in japan when they were just fourteen.

mina bonds with sana over unrealistic dramas, japanese artists, and hot chocolate. sana always adds whipped cream.

1:46 am.  
  
sana kisses mina, but neither of them talk about it. sana tries joking about it, says it must be the hot chocolate. mina doesn't remember adding any alcohol to it though.  
  
sana's lips were too sweet for that.

but just twenty minutes later, sana is in mina's lap, kissing her like she's taking in everything mina has to offer to her. mina never complains, so what's the point in starting?  
  
sana taps her waist three times, and tugs on her shirt, eyes glancing up at her in a silent way of asking for permission. mina opens her mout hto say that yes, it's really alright, but a different voice sounds throughout the house and sana's jumping off of her, rushing to push her into a closet. she mutters apologies and a harsh, "don't talk about this."  
  
the owner of the voice is tall, very pretty, and she kisses sana with her cheeks cupped, soft and sweet. mina nearly throws up all of her hot chocolate and cheap pizza in sana's closet.

3:00 am.  
  
sana apologises more.

they're settled back in the cafe, a week after sana's ridiculous act. mina has hot chocolate with too much whipped cream and she knows it's bad for her, but it's sweet and mina enjoys it. sana is, too, she thinks.  
  
her hand is cold and wet when she reaches for mina's, fingers curling around the smaller hand. mina can't feel anything but her hand at that moment, but it's not so strange. it's rainy and loud against the umbrella that she's sharing with sana, but it's calming. not as calming as sana's voice, but mina can't have that all to herself just yet. sana holds it, arguing that she feels the need to protect mina always. even it's from just the rain.  
  
mina likes rain.  
  
mina wonders if sana is protecting her from herself.

11:37 am.  
  
sana calls mina, voice breaking as she sobs. mina acts before thinking for once in her life and sana ends up at her lonely home. mina always wonders why sana cries so much.  
  
she gets her answer.  
  
sana tells mina of how jeongyeon, that's her girlfriend apparently, doesn't view things the same way sana does, resulting in arguments. but sana loves jeongyeon and it hurts something inside of mina, but she ignores it.

at 12:00 pm, sana kisses mina again.  
  
and mina can still taste sana's salty tears and her whipped cream. sana is always sweet, mina knows this too well, and mina should feel guilty, but she doesn't. momo always did tell her to be more selfish, so maybe now is the time to test that out.   
  
mina's never been too fond of swearing, but all she can think as sana pulls away is _fuck sana's girlfriend_.

she stays over at mina's for a while, maybe a day or two, mina wasn't really keeping track. what's strange to mina is that sana is gone when she wakes up one day. and maybe sana didn't do anything bad to her, maybe she didn't corrupt and tear her of her innocence just yet, but her head still hurts for som reason she can't figure out.

7:01 pm.

mina is out with momo at her favourite restaurant; momo's treat. she's always loved food, but there's something about this place. it's special to the both of them, and it makes mina's tummy full of butterflies. but she can't seem to shake the feeling of something bad in the midst of happening as they go inside.

her eyes land on sana and jeongyeon, smiling and laughing just a few tables away. mina can't figure out why it hurts her because she knows better. she already knows about sana and jeongyeon and that all she is is a second choice to sana.

why the fuck does she care?  
  
momo notices the change, quick and easy. she grabs onto mina's hand under the table despite not being able to figure out what exactly changed. mina knows she's thankful for momo. mina knows she doesn't deserve someone as sweet as her.

1:23 am.

sana had noticed mina out in the restaurant, and it doesn't go left unsaid. she asks if momo is mina's girlfriend, and she reply that she gives her is easy, but all too fake for sana.  
  
"no."  
  
sana feels jealousy burning in the pit of her stomach.  
  
mina feels nothing but sana's lips on hers again.  
  
at 3:00 am, sana slips her fingers beneath mina's loose shorts, not bothering to untie them. it's messy and not like a first time should be, thumb swiping across her clit as two fingers press into her. mina  _feels_. sana is relentless, pushing and pulling, blinding mina with each and every movement. sana is possessive. mina is a toy that sana now owns.  
  
she grips onto the pretty blue sheets beneath her, strawberries and cedar and roses filling her nose as sana curls her fingers, growling beneath her breath, "jeongyeon will be mad, you know?" she laughs, pushing a third finger into her, "she won't like that i'm fucking such a pretty girl in our bed, angel."  
  
mina has never liked that phrase. too aggressive and not meaningful at all, and it makes her sad. but she still comes around three of sana's fingers with a stifled cry.  
  
3:46 am.  
  
sana isn't one for pillow talk or even cuddling at that, mina learns. she's up out of bed, shuffling around to yank off the covers and change out of her clothes. maybe it's because sana's girlfriend would be home soon, maybe not.   
  
mina never learned why jeongyeon worked so late.  
  
she also never learned why jeongyeon's typical perfume was becoming more light, or why their sheets had three different scents now.  
  
it's a sudden burst of imagination and just a little soju that mina thinks jeongyeon could be doing the same thing to sana like sana's doing to her, but that can't be it. jeongyeon is so sweet with sana, she'd never.  
  
they talk.  
  
they talk often.   
  
sana and mina exchange words, and pictures, and even videos most of the time they can't see each other. which is often never more than three days.

the next time sana is inside of mina, it's only four in the afternoon, and sana is softer this time, marking mina's pale skin with her lips and teeth. there isn't an inch that goes uncovered with livid bruises. sana even makes a heart on her chest. that means sana loves her, mina thinks.

and with hushed praises between her tongue flicking along her clit, mina thinks she might be falling in love.

sana has always cared, and she will always continue to care. and so she stays this time, making sure mina is alright, kissing her tears and dragging her into a pink bubble bath.   
  
they drink hot chocolate again, and mina knows it'll become her favourite drink.  
  
it already is.  
  
sana doesn't just smell like jeongyeon anymore. she smells expensive and pretty and like roses. mina has always had a preference of lilacs over roses because they resemble purity, but she knows she prefers sana over anything.  
  
sana isn't close to being pure.

mina would like to believe that god would give sana another chance at life if she'd let him. but recently even she's been losing faith.  
  
loving sana is like hanging onto a thin piece of thread that you know is going to break under just the slightest bit of pressure.  
  
loving sana is like being knocked down repeatedly by the waves in the ocean, salt water making your eyes burn.  
  
loving sana is like being on your knees for the devil.   
  
mina adores all of this for some odd reason she can't place. she's never been one to take risks, so she truly has no clue what she's doing at sana's home at 3:00 am for the seventh time.  
  
seven is mina's lucky number.  
  
she thinks that she might finally be getting lucky.

but jeongyeon is always in the way, and mina knows that it's actually her who is in the way, but momo did tell her to be selfish. mina doesn't t hink she can get any more selfish.  
  
at 3 in the morning, sana shows up at mina's beautiful white home in what mina is sure is jeongyeon's shirt. she can't miss the dumb, dark hickeys decorating sana's thighs and stomach when she helps sana change.  
  
it makes her wonder why sana doesn't let mina touch her.

but she was never special.  
  
"jeongyeon loves someone else," sana whimpers, helpless and small and fragile in mina's arms. mina's heart breaks for sana because she knows that sana is absolutely devoted to jeongyeon. she decides that being selfish is definitely terrible.  
  
mina can't do anything but hold sana closer to her, placing a gentle kiss on the top of san'as head. she lips up and she hopes that sana is asleep by now, might even prayed if she could find it in herself.  
  
"i love you."

it's rainy again, but this time it's on a saturday and sana is holding mina's hand as they head inside of a theater that momo used to drag mina to. sana sits in the back because she knows that mina doesn't like being too close to strangers, and she even recommends mina her favourite soda. mina doesn't really drink soda, but anything sana gets, mina learns to love. like hot chocolate.  
  
halfway through the movie, mina can't barely concentrate, let alone think. it's difficult to not be so loud in a theater when sana is working one finger in and out of her at such a slow pace mina thinks she might burst.  
  
and mina has never been one for voyeurism, but with sana, there's always a first.  
  
this is not love.  
  
mina starts to wonder if she could be sana's rebound relationship even if she hasn't left jeongyeon yet. she isn't so opposed to the idea, and she hates how she doesn't care about her self worht as much anymore.  
  
sana has a friend.  
  
sana has many friends.  
  
and she's quick to introduce mina to them only a mont hafter meeting her. nayeon is loud, kind, but a bit annoying, mina thinks. she could get used to her though. jeongyeon stays beside nayeon the entire time of the event, and mina knows that jeongyeon loves her by the looks that they exchange. she can't help but wonder if she looks at sana like that.  
  
jihyo is beautiful, and sweeter than sana's hot chocolate. mina believes she could have fallen for her in another lifetime. chaeyoung is soft, and easy-going, and mina knows that she'll be fast friends with her. the same goes for tzuyu. she's incredibly tall with amazing proportions, and she's definitely not lacking when it comes to personality.  
  
sana is very, very careful around jeongyeon, even while she's being touchy with nayeon. nayeon seems guilty, and sana seems like she knows something. mina wants to hold her hand, she really does, even aches deep in her chest, but sana avoids her.  
  
it takes three days for sana to call mina again, but this time she isn't crying. she's sobbing, but it's different; sana sounds breathy, and so, so close. each whine makes mina miss her more. and mina always aims to please, so sana doesn't go unsatisfied.

sana wonders why she keeps coming back to mina when she shouldn't.  
  
mina wonders the same thing.  
  
6:22 pm.  
  
they never talk about what they do. mina would love to, but she knows her heart wouldn't be able to handle it. she knows sana doesn't love her like she loves jeongyeon.  
  
it hurts.

2:09 pm.  
  
they break up a couple of days later. sana feels like she can'tb reathe, but jeongyeon feels free. mina doesn't like violence, but she can't seem to see past the red blurring her vision when sana breaks down just outside her door.   
  
sana doesn't touch her like she usually does, and a part of mina is glad for that; she can finally take care of sana. she makes sure sana is cleaned up in her too clean bathroom, even dries her tears, removes her makeup, and dries her hair. mina's heart flutters when sana comes out wearing mina's favourite shirt. it isn't too big on sana, but she looks beautiful in it. mina thinks the shirt has always belonged to her with how perfect it looks on her.

sana doesn't leave in the morning, in fact, she clings to mina like her life depends on it. and mina welcomes it, and it's not just because she's a little touch starved.  
  
sana learns that mina loves to dance, and that she swallows her pills with soda (mina hates taking pills). sana thinks it's a little weird, but endearing nevertheless. it never crosses sana's mind that she could be using mina as a rebound. mina doesn't think of it too much either.  
  
sana helps mina with her anxiety when it acts up, slowly and carefully guiding her when she sutters over words, or she has to pay for something. hot chocolate is her favourite thing to buy now, so they spend a lot of time at the cafe. it's mina's favourite place besides sana's arms.

seven months of knowing sana.  
  
mina realizes this at 5:56 pm.  
  
there's a part of her that wishes sana would just talk to her about what they are because she can never find the courage to do so. maybe tonight sana will.  
  
7:08 pm.  
  
sana doesn't. but she does buy mina the cutest penguin she's ever seen. and she kisses her so sweet that mina realizes that yes, she's really in love, and yes, she's totally fucked.  
  
sana buys her chocolates and lilacs because she knows that mina prefers them over roses. to mina, it feels kind of like an anniversary. mina has only ever dated one person, but not long enough to celebrate one. it makes her feel warm.  
  
sana's touch is soft again, her fingers just barely there on her skin, burning her name into her hips. it's a promise to make mina hers, but mina knows better. sana whispers over and over again about how much she cares for mina and how much she wants to protect. mina almost comes from that, but she doesn't dare utter an 'i love you'.

and when mina is gasping for breath, thighs shaking and hands struggling to find purchase against sana or the sofa, sana kisses her, deep and sincere. mina feels a tear roll down her cheek, but she can't keep a single straight thought with sana's name falling from the tip of her tongue like a prayer. she has  _always_  been sana's.  
  
"i absolutely adore you, doll," sana's voice is raspy as she pushes into mina with a renewed pace. a whimper slips from mina's mouth, sana never stopping her relentless attack, "feel me, mina."

sana makes mina come three times in a row, the fourth being the strongest and most draining. when sana presses her fingers against mina's lips, she's more than happy to comply. sana is gentle when she cleans mina up, still peppering her with kisses and praises.  
  
no this is love.  
  
and at 3:00 am, sana tells her over and over that she adores her. it's the closest thing to an 'i love you' mina will ever get, she thinks. she knows.

"do you ever wonder what we are?" sana asks one day, writing down notes as she scrolls through her laptop. sana is brave, mina thinks, unlike her. mina pauses, a shaky breath leaving her lips.  
  
"sometimes,"  
  
"i mean that i need to know what we are, minari," the nickname has always made mina's heart flutter, but now mina knows it's because of a different reason.  
  
"we're whatever you want us to be, love," mina likes playing the diplomat, but she also likes having her own answer and telling the world (or rather the people closest to her). her nerves prevent her from letting sana know that yes, mina wants to be hers, and she would love to hear sana introduce her as her girlfriend.  
  
she will never have that.  
  
"really? you're not putting a label on us?" sana sounds too eager and relieved for it to mean anything good for mina. "that's good, thank you."  
  
she doesn't like this at all, but she will never, ever open her mouth.  
  
"yeah."  
  
mina has never had to get over someone (the japanese guy doesn't count). she wonders if seven months is long enough. she tries picturing herself in sana's shoes, but her heart feels heavy when she thinks about leaving sana forever. mina laready knows that it's impossible to stay friends with an ex; momo told her all about it.  
  
though sana doesn't want a relationship, she still finds her hand buried between mina's thighs or holding mina's hand as they go out on what sana would like to call friend dates. there's nothing friendly about them, but mina doesn't have the heart to break it to sana.  
  
she's a smart girl anyways.  
  
jeongyeon holds a party for the new year. it's loud and filled with alcohol, and mina feels uncomfortable. and jeongyeon looks so happy with nayeon that sana feels like she can't breathe again, but they find each other through sweaty bodies and too loud music.

mina holds sana's hair back when she throws up in jeongyeon's bathroom, rubbing her back and pressing into the nape of her neck softly because she knows sana likes it. sana can't stop crying and it pains mina to look at her, but she has always been there. she always will be.  
  
but there's a girl that they meet when sana stumbles out of the bathroom, mina's hand on her waist. she's beautiful, and pale, and her cheeks are cute. she looks concerned. mina hates the way she almost throws up when sana practically falls into the girl's arms instead.  
  
11:59 pm.  
  
sana finds mina, holding a glass of what mina is sure is alcohol, maybe wine, and she's quick to kiss mina's cheek and grasp her hand like it's her lifeline, "minari," she purrs, eyes darking and wanton. mina swallows, but she doesn't move.  _what sana wants, she will always get_. "are you going to kiss me?"  
  
"sana, you aren't thinking-"  
  
"yes i am! i'm thinking about you, honey. please kiss me!"

who is mina to deny sana?  
  
12:00 am.

sana moves fast, and her teeth knock against mina's, and mina can taste toothpaste and alcohol. she's glad that jeongyeon lent sana a toothbrush anyway.  
  
sana's hands have a mind of their own. they always have, but tonight sana isn't completely sober and it's worse. mina panics, but she doesn't leave sana at the party alone. she drives her home, changes her clothes, and prepares to leave.  
  
simple as that.  
  
nothing is simple with minatozaki sana.

sana clings to mina, refusing to let the yougner girl go, so mina doesn't. and when sana wakes up later, she freaks out.  
  
mina wants to help, but it's her fault, so she leaves.  
  
she's a coward.  
  
she hates herself quite a bit.  
  
sana doesn't call. she doesn't text or leave a voicemail, and she doesn't fucking _try_. mina wants to try. but sana has always and will always come first. so mina lets sana decide if she wants to come back.

it takes nearly a month, but sana shows up at mina's front door, guilt painted onto her face. mina is quick to apologise and forgive, and they find themselves in the same cycle again.  
  
but this time sana is less touchy. she doesn't take mina to her favourite place in town and she doesn't bring mina out on her "friend dates". mina wants to know what she did wrong.

sana never wants to answer.  
  
but it's not all too bad. she can still touch sana, can still feel her fingertips against her.  
  
"you look so beautiful when you're under me," sana mumbles against mina's throat, teeth grazing over the sensitive skin. "you're so perfect for me."

mina doesn't trust her voice to answer. she wants to say no, she really isn't, but letting sana take waht she wants from her is the best option she decides. and sana takes all she can.

sana enjoys dahyun's company. sana loves how dahyun isn't so shy to the world and how she's a natural entertainer. sana loves each expression dahyun makes, especially when she compliments her; her nose scrunches up and her cheeks burn all red and sana's heart feels too warm.

sana doesn't miss jeongyeon anymore. jeongyeon can have nayeon if she's happy, and sana will make herself happier. dahyun helps the most.  
  
sana thinks she would have fallen for mina if she hadn't had jeongyeon. and sana knows that mina is absolutely head over heels in love with her, and she doesn't want to hurt her, but sana needs to feel.  
  
she's pathetic.  
  
sana doesn't even know who she's referring to.  
  
sana feels through mina's beautiful parted lips when she comes undone.  
  
sana feels through dahyun's laughter and her smile.  
  
sana feels when she counts mina's moles.  
  
sana feels alive when she's with dahyun.  
  
3:00 am.  
  
sana never wanted to leave mina, but she has always, always been selfish.

sana would like to be loved.  
  
she's terrible person, she thinks. she's a fucking mess, a disaster at that, and it makes her sick to her stomach. she needs dahyun (mina). but sana can't _feel_ anything anymore.  
  
mina would like to feel okay.  
  
she is an alright person, she thinks. she feels a little too much, and mina hates it this way. she needs sana. mina _feels._

alas, the sun leaves the moon.

**Author's Note:**

> main twt: kyotojeon  
> side twt: yeologlst w an l


End file.
